Chinese encounters

It's been a while since I had a notable encounter with any Chinese people.

Correction, it had been a while. 

Up until yesterday.

The phone rings whilst I'm at work.

(I have no idea why this family has so many people cold calling them all the time, 

but they have at least two a day.

I wish that all of them were Chinese people.)

Me: Hell-o

Chinese lady: Herro

Me: Hello.

Chinese lady: Oh, herro.

Is this Mrs M-C-I-L-R-O-Y?

(At this point I'm smirking to myself and wondering if she spells out everyone's name over the phone or if she just couldn't pronounce this one.)

Me: McIlroy?

Erm, no. She's at work. 

Chinese lady: Are you fam-i-ly member?

Me: No, sorry.

Chinese lady: Ho-k.

Pause.

 Are you just a close friend then?

Me: Ermmm...I'm just the nanny actually.

Chinese lady: .........Ho-k. Thank you very much.

Dial tone. 

I have absolutely no idea if asking me if I was a close friend was part of her script o if she just wanted to settle her own curiosity, 

but I was smiling as I hung up the phone.

I love me some Chinese people.

Imagine an accent: Take 2

I think there must be something inside of me that draws Chinese people to me.

Like a magnet or something.

That, or I have 'if you are Chinese please come and talk to me and say something funny to me' tattooed on my forehead.

So, I'm paying for all of the stuff that had crept into my basket in Boots and I look over at the Dior counter, where there's a Chinese sales assistant stood staring at me.

I didn't stare back, because that would have been awkward, but as I'm putting my purse back in my bag and getting ready to leave, I look up and happen to make eye contact with said sales assistant.

Next thing I know, the Chinese Dior lady runs over to me (literally runs) and says to me.... 

"I just have to tell you that you have beautiful lips." 

Then she runs back over to her counter before I even have chance to say thank you.

In hindsight, I think that she must have meant that red lipstick suits me (which is what I was wearing today...obviously), because no-one has ever commented on my actual lips before.

And more than the fact that no-one has ever commented on/complimented my lips before, no-one has ever run towards me, offered up the compliment and then run away again.

Not that I'm complaining.

I think I want to make friends with a Chinese person.

Imagine an accent

Firstly, you should know that I can only do two accents relatively convincingly.

1). Scouse

2). Chinese

I can't even do my own native Northern accent anymore.

So when I tell you the following little story, you have to imagine my wannabe Chinese accent.

Because I promise if you could hear me doing the voice, this would be about a thousand or million times funnier.

I personally find it quite hilarious. And so does Ross. 

(When I'm telling the story with accents at least)

So that means that I must be pretty good.

Anyway, I started a new job yesterday.

Over the summer I'm nannying for two little cherubs.

(I've not just gone off on a tangent subject..that little bit of information is kinda needed for the story.

While I was at their house today, the phone rang.

I picked up and said hello, and then the timidest Chinese voice said hello back.

Seriously, if you can imagine what a mouse would sound like if they could speak, 

and then you imagine a Chinese mouse speaking, 

you can probably quiet accurately imagine what the woman on the other end of the phone sounded like.

"Is Mrs Mc....Mc....McIl...roy there please?"

"Erm, no, she's not actually, she's in Berlin until Thursday afternoon. 

I could take a message if you'd like, or you could try calling back on Friday? She'll be back by then."

"Oh...ok. Thank you for so kindly giving me this information.

You have a beautiful voice.

I wish you good fortune for all things in the future."

This little telephone memoir actually reminded me of something else that happened while I was working one day.

Again, you'll have to imagine me trying to do a Chinese accent.

I worked in Marks & Spencer at the time and was sat on the till at a really busy time.

There was a Chinese lady waiting in my queue and I noticed that she was staring at me really intently.

When it got to her turn she said to me...

"Are they your real eyes?"

I didn't really know how to respond to that, so I just looked at her.

"It's just that they're really, really blue.

Are they not contact lenses?"

"Nope, these are my real eyes."

"Well, I was just looking at you and wondering how you could disguise yourself.

Have you read 'The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo?"

"No, I haven't actually."

"Well, in the book, the girl has to disguise herself, so no-one will know who she is.

So I was looking at you and thinking, how could this girl disguise herself?

Maybe she could wear a wig or some contact lenses."

At this point I was finding it considerably difficult not to laugh. 

"Then I saw the colour of your eyes 

(which, by the way I have never considered to be that blue)

and then I thought, maybe she is already disguising herself!

Who is she hiding from?!

Anyway, it is a really good book.

You should read it."

So now I am.