A short but awkward conversation with a five year old

I feel that this needs no introduction.

Amy: Becky, why are your boobies bigger than my Mummy's?

Me: Erm..........

I also feel that this needs no conclusion.

But seeing as I think literally posting three lines and calling it a day would be really lame, please enjoy this video.
That, friends, is how you shimmey.

Five year old with faith

I've told you before that the little girl that I look after talks about God a lot.

(Remember when she thought God's favourite song was probably Lady Gaga?)

Well, recently she's been bashing out some pretty special pictures.

They're only your standard Mummy, Daddy, Amy & Jake pictures over and over again, but recently there's been a new addition to the family too.

Amy: Becky! Look at all of these pictures that I've drawn.

Me: Yeah, they're great. I can see Mummy, Daddy, you and Jake.

Well done Amy!

*I notice the additional character drawn in orange in the sky.

He's there in every single picture, 

always in orange and always with a big cross over it, 

like she's made a mistake.

Me: Who's this person in the sky? 

Amy: *Looks at me like I'm stupid.*

Errr Becky, it's Jesus.

Don't you know that?

Me: But why have you crossed him out?

Amy: I haven't crossed him out, that's him on the cross.

You know? Where he died.

Me: Oh, ok.

Why is he in the sky?

Amy: Because from up there he can watch over me and family 

and make sure that we're all alright 

and he can keep us safe too.

How lovely is that?

Ohh, melts my heart!

Jokes jokes

Before I even write this post, let me first apologise - 

I feel like I have become a bit of a Mommy blogger and I don't even have any children.

But that's what looking after two nippers will do to you.

Especially when they crack you up on a daily basis.

Amy: Becky, do you know any funny jokes?

Me: Erm...what's orange and sounds like a parrot?

A CARROT!

(That one is a personal favourite of mine!)

Amy: A carrot?

Me: Yes, a carrot. 

Because carrots are orange and carrot rhymes with parrot.

If a joke needs explaining, it quickly loses its funny.

Saying that, she is only 5.

Amy: I know one.

What did the Mummy chimney say to the baby chimney?

Pause...

Becky! Your meant to say you don't know!

Me: Oh. Sorry. 

What did the Mummy chimney say to the baby chimney?

Amy: Your too young to smoke missy!

And then she manically laughed for a straight minute.

I did too.

Not because of the joke, which admittedly wasn't bad for a 5 year old, but because she said the entire joke in a cheesy American accent.

When I asked her why, she didn't even know that she'd done it.

And when I thought back to when I overheard her playing in her bedroom - the time she fell over the baby squirrel no less, that was in an American accent too.

That girl watches too much iCarly!

Lady Gaga should be proud

I am getting better and better annoyingly answering Amy's questions with questions.

I'm glad actually, because Amy's answers are getting better and better too.

Or maybe it's the questions that are good in the first place.

Either way, this is our conversation from earlier.

Amy: What is God's favourite song?

(She goes to a Catholic school so talks about God a lot.

Apparently God's taste in music is not on the curriculum.)

Me: What do you think God's favourite song is?

Amy: Probably Lady Gaga.

The 'rah rah ah ah aahh' one.

Me: What 'Bad Romance'? I don't think it would be that one.

Amy: What about bad boys then? (Alexandra Burke)

Or girls run the world? 

Me: Hard to say. 

Could be either.

Why don't you ask your new teacher when you go back to school next week?

Apparently I'm also learning the fine art of passing along children's unanswerable/awkward/embarrassing questions (unanswerable in this case) off to other people too. 

Nannying is teaching me so many valuable skills.