My mind and my bloody hands.

I, dear readers, am one of those people that doesn't deal too well with being alone. But let me make this clear, I don't mind shopping alone or sitting by myself in the library. This is not the kind of alone of which I make reference to. I'm talking about the home alone kind of alone. 


My mind goes crazy. I convince myself I can hear noises, that someone is lurking outside my window, that someone is in the house. The usual kind of things I suppose. 


I remember a time when I was maybe about 13 years old. It was night time. My two younger brothers were already asleep in bed and my Mom was out of the house for some reason. I wish I could remember the reason. Anyway, wherever Mom was, Dad had to go and pick her up. Which meant that I was going to be left in the house alone. Not counting my brothers, but they were asleep already, so they didn't count. After about 10 minutes of being alone in the house I started to hear this really loud banging. It was coming from outside of the house but I could tell that it was close. I was terrified. There was no pattern to the banging, but it was happening often and did I mention already that I was terrified? The banging didn't stop and so by the time that Mom & Dad got home, which was only about 10 minutes later I was crying under my quilt. I thought that someone was breaking into the house. It turned out that it was only the gate. It hadn't been shut properly and the wind was making it bang against the fence. Very loudly.


And it's not something that I've grown out of. In our flat, the entrance and the hallway has no natural light. So when all of the doors that come off of the hallway are closed it is pitch black. And if I'm in the house by myself I hate it. I walk through and think that there is somebody crouching by the door or hiding in the corner. 


So, now knowing my sentiments of being alone you can imagine how I reacted to what happened last night. Mr.K & I had had a lovely evening, with excellent food and excellent company. And then he gone to play football and I had come home. So I was alone. With lots of lights on in the flat to make me feel better. I was going about my get ready for bed routine. Put on pjs, brush my teeth, use mouthwash, floss, take off make-up, wash face, tone face, moisturise face, get into bed. I was up to the wash face part. So I was obviously leaning over the sink, with my eyes closed and rubbing water all over my face. But when I stood up and opened my eyes, I saw that my face was covered with blood. So were my hands and the sink. I was seriously freaked out. Until I realised that it was just because I'd started to have a nose bleed while I was washing my face. But for the split second that stood up and all I saw was blood I was a wreck. A bloody wreck.