Tuesday, 5 July 2011

Imagine an accent

Firstly, you should know that I can only do two accents relatively convincingly.
1). Scouse
2). Chinese
I can't even do my own native Northern accent anymore.
So when I tell you the following little story, you have to imagine my wannabe Chinese accent.
Because I promise if you could hear me doing the voice, this would be about a thousand or million times funnier.
I personally find it quite hilarious. And so does Ross. 
(When I'm telling the story with accents at least)
So that means that I must be pretty good.

Anyway, I started a new job yesterday.
Over the summer I'm nannying for two little cherubs.
(I've not just gone off on a tangent subject..that little bit of information is kinda needed for the story.
While I was at their house today, the phone rang.
I picked up and said hello, and then the timidest Chinese voice said hello back.
Seriously, if you can imagine what a mouse would sound like if they could speak, 
and then you imagine a Chinese mouse speaking, 
you can probably quiet accurately imagine what the woman on the other end of the phone sounded like.
"Is Mrs Mc....Mc....McIl...roy there please?"
"Erm, no, she's not actually, she's in Berlin until Thursday afternoon. 
I could take a message if you'd like, or you could try calling back on Friday? She'll be back by then."
"Oh...ok. Thank you for so kindly giving me this information.
You have a beautiful voice.
I wish you good fortune for all things in the future."

This little telephone memoir actually reminded me of something else that happened while I was working one day.
Again, you'll have to imagine me trying to do a Chinese accent.
I worked in Marks & Spencer at the time and was sat on the till at a really busy time.
There was a Chinese lady waiting in my queue and I noticed that she was staring at me really intently.
When it got to her turn she said to me...
"Are they your real eyes?"
I didn't really know how to respond to that, so I just looked at her.
"It's just that they're really, really blue.
Are they not contact lenses?"
"Nope, these are my real eyes."
"Well, I was just looking at you and wondering how you could disguise yourself.
Have you read 'The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo?"
"No, I haven't actually."
"Well, in the book, the girl has to disguise herself, so no-one will know who she is.
So I was looking at you and thinking, how could this girl disguise herself?
Maybe she could wear a wig or some contact lenses."
At this point I was finding it considerably difficult not to laugh. 
"Then I saw the colour of your eyes 
(which, by the way I have never considered to be that blue)
and then I thought, maybe she is already disguising herself!
Who is she hiding from?!
Anyway, it is a really good book.
You should read it."
So now I am.

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