Tuesday, 10 May 2011

A story involving windows and stupidity

This story has absolutely nothing to with my wedding dress or even my wedding day.
For the purpose of this story, you need to focus on the top windows in the background of this picture.
Take a good look and pay particular attention to how small they are.


It was a Saturday sometime last year. 
Before we were married, I'm pretty sure.
We were in Sheffield for the weekend with my famille, and we'd been to Costco.
We love Costco so much that when we go, we go as an entire family.
After Costco my Mom & Dad were going shopping somewhere else, and now that Ross & I had got out Costco fix, we were ready to go home.
So go home we did.

When we got there, we realised that I didn't have any keys. 
Massive oversight on my part. 
But not wanting to admit that I was stupid enough to have forgotten my keys I decided that I was somehow going to get into the house.
If I could anyway.

So we walked into the back garden and saw that one of the windows in the conservatory was open.
(If your a burglar reading this, windows are NEVER normally left open, this was a complete fluke.)
And in the conservatory only the top parts of the window open.
The very small bits at the top.

Now, you might look at the photo and think that a person could very easily fit through that top bit of window, but let's remember that I'm almost 5"10 and the window only opens so far, so the actually gap to fit through is much smaller than it looks.
But I wasn't going to to let those two minor details stop me from getting into my own house.

So, Ross boosted me up.
My head and shoulders fit through fine.
The boob area was more difficult, but I was still managing to squeeze through.
The difficult part was when my body was half and half of either side of the window.
My legs and feet were on one side of the window, being pushed and shoved by Ross and the upper half of my body was on the other side of the window, just hanging there, with nothing to hold or hang onto and nothing to support me.
So Ross just ended up pushing me through the window.
 I grazed my side and bashed my knee, because once he'd pushed my through the window I had nothing to land on other than the floor.

But got through the window I did. 
I even did a little victory dance.
It was right in the middle of the victory dance that I realised what an absolute fool I'd been.
The conservatory is obviously joined to the house, but it's separated by a set of French doors.
French doors which are always kept locked.
With the key on the house side of the door, not the conservatory side of the door.
So now I was trapped in my own conservatory, which in the summer (which it was) is like a sauna.
It gets seriously hot. 
There was no way that I was going to sit and wait for what surely would have been my death in that overheated conservatory, so my only choice was to go back through the window that I'd fought so hard to get through in the first place.
Tragic isn't it?

And getting back out of the conservatory was so much harder than getting in.
On the way in I could go head first, because Ross was there to pick me up and feed/force me through.
But I wasn't tall enough to get myself back through head first.
So I had to climb up on the window ledge, get one leg out of the window and then try and get the rest of my body through length ways.
That too ended up with me being stuck in the window, only this time the entire left side of my body was out of the conservatory and the entirety of the right side of my body was stuck inside.
I ended up with such a bruise right in the middle of my chest and long grazes from where Ross had to very forcibly pull my back through.

.......I don't think you need me to tell you what the moral of this story is.

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